The lights get brighter

Have you ever attended an outdoor sporting event at night when suddenly the lights went off? Someone races to turn them back on but because of their technology, it takes them a while to get bright. At first, the lights are very dim and you can see them gradually get brighter. At one point, the lights are bright enough so vision is clear but the lights aren't fully illuminating. Then after a few minutes it dawns on you that the lights are totally on and the playing field is bright.
That is a very good description of how the awareness of my "shame filter" was revealed. The interesting thing is that I had been talking about shame and the problem of self-worth for at least 3 or 4 months. However during my last session in February, the lights finally turned on. I could see how this shame-based thinking (what I like to call the shame filter) affected EVERYTHING I perceived. I felt so liberated and realized that I needed to continue to see how it showed up in my life. That was on a Friday night and by Sunday,  the lights got brighter and then by Tuesday, I realized they were shinning as bright as ever.
Not only was I seeing how it showed up in my life, but also was observing it in other people. Seeing it that way, without any type of judgement or prejudice helped me see it better in my life.
The interesting thing was that during my session, after the big revelation came, I said to my therapist. I just want to get past it. What do I need to do. And he told me the first step to healing is awareness. After I became so fully aware - and believe me, everything I did I saw the shame filter working - it was only a matter of days before my actions began to change. And thankfully, I saw the shame filter in other areas of my life as well.
That is really the amazing thing. When your awareness of your own actions causes you to make better and stronger decisions. That is real change. Something that I have rarely had occur throughout my entire life.