Freedom

Throughout this past week and a half, I have felt tremendous personal growth. It all started from my last session when I finally realized what was holding me back. If you have ever been at a stadium when the lights get turned on, first they start out very dim and get brighter and brighter. Soon you realize, after the fact that the lights are full strength and it is quite bright. This is how I felt last Friday. When the lights came on – or when I realized about this “shame filter”, I could more easily see. Only after a couple days, the lights were even brighter and I didn’t even notice it until after the fact.

I was wondering what I was going to do to “change” or correct this “shame filter”. In fact, after listening to my tape, I was the one that suggested I see how it shows up in my life and how it affected me. By Monday, my behavior was already being modified. Just the fact that when you get angry about how your poor judgment affected what went on in your life, this anger lets you know that if you act the same way, you certainly know what is down the road ahead for you.

The interesting thing is that I have been watching the shame filter show up in other folks. Now, not being a professional, I don’t say anything unless it comes up in conversation but seeing how it shows up in them only confirms to myself that I don’t want to be or act that way.

I have decided to greatly reduce my self-deprecating humor. I find that nearly every time someone goes to compliment me, my mind quickly races to find some witty and self-degrading reply.  I found myself yesterday and today, starting to go that direction and then stopping myself. Today, I was on the phone with a contractor back East. I did use the self-deprecating humor however, it was kind of fitting for the phone call and the humor broke up the situation which is what I like in a call. But what I am glad about it was I saw that I was doing it and was okay with it for that particular instance.

I have felt that my confidence has had a huge jump since this last session as well. I find myself carrying my shoulders back more often and am actually beginning to see myself handsome in the mirror where I never did that much before.

I also have decided that I am not looking for a relationship and am dating for casual purposes only. I saw on Saturday how I was still having shame based thinking with just about all my relationships with women I have met. It’s time to change that. Yes, I will continue to be a gentleman but it’s time for some raw passion. Time for me to share myself, express myself and be great with myself for experiencing and giving these experiences. I am a fun person and need to break out of my shell.

I also feel like this new found freedom is just the beginning to open the flood gates in my business. Again, I feel free. On Sunday I shared my experience with someone and actually could see myself, “empowering her to do more than what she thought she believed she could do”. This was my first real experience of what it would be like to be that person and also do it as a profession. I didn’t get paid but I could see how that would definitely be worth a lot of money.

For the last 3 sessions, the flood gates seem to be opening wider and wider. I can’t wait to see what happens this week.