A "religious" experience

Confusion sometimes is comforting. Okay, this does need a little bit of explanation.
Many times, the chase is the most fun of the entire challenge. Once you have completed it, what is left? After you have worked hard for something and finally achieved it, what is your next step?
Similarly, we go through life wanting life to get better. Whatever we do, we want to grow and become a better person; better at what we do and enjoy life in many ways. However, sometimes knowing the problem means fixing it. For discussion's sake, let's say that you are aware there is a problem but can't quite put your finger on what it is. Once you finally do, then something needs to be done about it. Thus, knowing there is a problem but not quite TRULY finding out what it is, we are in a quest, so to speak, to find the problem. The quest, no matter how exciting or dull, helps keep us in the chase. This "confusion" keeps us searching and we tell ourselves we are "trying" and as long as we don't find it, we won't have to do something about it. Our lives continue in one big confused pursuit.
Is this confusing or what?
When your life is spent pleasing others or doing as you think others would expect you to do, this way of life is almost normal. The thing to remember about living your life this way is that you give up the responsibility. It is very easy particularly for those involved in religion. The thought of getting to Heaven becomes first and foremost in everything you do. Who else better knows what you need to do than your "religious" leaders. When you are told what to do by a shepherd or a "man of God", then if something doesn't work out, obviously God intended it to happen that way and you become "okay" with the outcome. Without realizing it -- or let's say knowing it on a very small level but not wanting to face it, the responsibility is given up. This was the biggest problem which I had to face. Down deep inside, I knew that I was giving up the responsibility. But it didn't matter as long as I was doing the "will of God".
This has all changed. I am responsible for my outcome. Yes, even though I was given, taught, fed - whatever term you'd like to insert - a lot of bad information, I now realize that I am responsible and need to work this through. Ironically, the freedom I have gained through finding and working on these issues is like a "religious" experience. I can say that with a HUGE smile on my face.