For a person to want to change, first of all he or she has to want to change. There is no need for change if there is no idea that there is a problem (hence the expression, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it). In my case, I really wanted to change. There was a need and a desire for change. My biggest problem was I didn't know what the problem was. How could I possibly change if I wasn't aware of what to change?
Ok, the truth of the matter is that down deep inside, I had an idea of what the problem was but I didn't want to admit it. There is no way that after 20 years, these particular types of feelings could be true. How could I have been that kind of a person? There must be some other issues that are (or were) the cause.
When I am honest with myself, I can remember having certain thoughts that weren't very positive about my marriage. I kept denying them saying to myself it wasn't so. Realizing these issues DO exist is not easy to accept. It takes a lot of soul searching, introspection and a desire to change to accept that you really were that way.
It also is a TREMENDOUS aid to have a skilled professional help clarify the issues. Someone who will help point out things in your life. Ultimately you will need to decide if they are true. However, years and years of convincing yourself they were not a problem, will hide and cloud these issues and make them extremely difficult to come out and accept.
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