I know how William Wallace feels

In the movie "Bravehart" during the scene in which William Wallace is put to death, Mel Gibson portrays his final moments with many difficult emotions. But the final word - as the sword comes down upon his neck - he shouts is FREEDOM! That is exactly how I felt today. 

No doubt I have been on an emotional roller coaster these past months. Being a typically positive person, I can convince myself that even when things are tough, it's always for my growth and good. I have to admit, these last few weeks have been difficult and yesterday, I attended a seminar which at the end, I could feel a sense of a great change coming. This feeling was somewhat exciting but the excitement was overshadowed by the fear and anxiety. 

Today I had another session with Shannon and as always, it starts off with me talking about some of the insights I had seen since the last session. The conversation circled around to the shame under which I grew up most of my life.  The previous week, we had talked about certain events that happened in my life and how I was made to feel ashamed when it wasn't deserved in the least. I had reviewed that tape several times since that session and  spent a lot of time "kicking" those times around. (Kicking or putting it in the can and kicking it around is a term he uses to get me to think and ponder about things) However, in today's session, it was revealed to me that my shame which I had suffered most of my life was a filter by which I viewed everything first. Shame is one of the most difficult feelings to overcome. Not only does it leave you with hardly any self confidence, it creates a filter, as it were or a system by which one process just about everything he or she sees or perceives. Those with a shame-based thinking use that way of thinking to interpret just about everything in their life. Because shame will tell you that you are not worthy, everything goes through that filter and many times, we sabotage ourselves or that filter will convince us to sabotage ourselves to fulfill it's prophecy.of degradation.

Sometime, near the end of my session, I realized that my shame filter was the cause of everything negative in my life and now that I finally see it, I can see the first step to my healing is finally on its way.

I just want to go out on the mountaintop and shout FREEDOM!