Is that you in the mirror?

One of the things I find quite interesting about my growth is that I actually view myself differently in the mirror.  For as long as I can remember, I never thought much of myself and at times, it was even difficult to look at myself in the mirror. Now, I can actually see myself as a handsome gentleman and can admit that to myself. What a difference.
  It is not an arrogance; it is a confidence that is rather calming. To know that you are someone with value and that you do have so much to offer, it gives great satisfaction to know that person whom you really knew you were, is finally starting to come to life.
I want to tell everyone I meet. Not to brag about myself, but telling the story of how far I have come, I only want to inspire others. And each time I tell the story, it re-inspires me.
I can only think that when Jesus told his disciples to go out and spread the word, that's what I feel like doing with my story. And I can't help but to think that's what he meant, too. Don't go out and tell people to believe in him. That you MUST believe in him for eternal life. But more like go out and tell others your story. Tell them how this new realization has put you on a path of life. A path of Strength and a path of renewal. It really is like being born again.
  My wish is that this post could be read by millions of people who might need one little push to get them to the point in their life where they are ready, and ready to make a change. Sit down and look deep into their lives and commit to becoming intimate with their spirituality and with who they really are. That will definitely change the course of the world.

Telling My Story

Right now, it's late. I really have a difficult time composing my thoughts and writing a sensible sentence. However, telling the story of my journey these last  8 months or so is always invigorating. It always seems to bring life back into me.
I feel that when telling people, it inspires them as well as re-inspires me. This only makes me want to shout it more. There is no doubt in my mind I am a different person. AND I can see myself growing on a regular basis. Sometimes it happens in one day and other times it's a few days but I can see the passion and growth continue to inspire me.
A good friend of mine asked me a question about my therapist. She has a friend who lives in another country and was seeing a therapist and felt great strides in personal development. However, after not seeing her therapist in a while and not having access to that same therapist, she felt that she had reverted back to that same person.
I can 100 percent assure you that I will never go back to that old John. If something were to happen to my therapist, would it be tragic? Yes. However, I will never go back. The reason is because I was the one who made these strides. Did my therapist help? Absolutely. There were many issues I had that quite possibly I would have never seen; but my therapist didn't tell me, he helped me discover them. Fortunately, he is smart enough to know that. Was he able to point me in the right direction? That is clearly true. But just as you can lead a horse to water, you can't make it drink. In this same way, I had to see it for myself. Receiving validation from a trained professional is certainly quite helpful but no amount of therapy or should I say no amount of talk from a therapist can make me feel as good about myself as I have come to discover.
I actually see myself differently in the mirror. Before I used to say that I was just average and what is it that people see in this face? Now, I can believe that I am handsome and am thankful for that and do not take that for granted. (okay, I have to admit that I will try and use it to my advantage).
Finally, I know that in the very near future, I will be able to inspire others, continue to inspire myself and get paid for it as my profession. The perfect job.

A "religious" experience

Confusion sometimes is comforting. Okay, this does need a little bit of explanation.
Many times, the chase is the most fun of the entire challenge. Once you have completed it, what is left? After you have worked hard for something and finally achieved it, what is your next step?
Similarly, we go through life wanting life to get better. Whatever we do, we want to grow and become a better person; better at what we do and enjoy life in many ways. However, sometimes knowing the problem means fixing it. For discussion's sake, let's say that you are aware there is a problem but can't quite put your finger on what it is. Once you finally do, then something needs to be done about it. Thus, knowing there is a problem but not quite TRULY finding out what it is, we are in a quest, so to speak, to find the problem. The quest, no matter how exciting or dull, helps keep us in the chase. This "confusion" keeps us searching and we tell ourselves we are "trying" and as long as we don't find it, we won't have to do something about it. Our lives continue in one big confused pursuit.
Is this confusing or what?
When your life is spent pleasing others or doing as you think others would expect you to do, this way of life is almost normal. The thing to remember about living your life this way is that you give up the responsibility. It is very easy particularly for those involved in religion. The thought of getting to Heaven becomes first and foremost in everything you do. Who else better knows what you need to do than your "religious" leaders. When you are told what to do by a shepherd or a "man of God", then if something doesn't work out, obviously God intended it to happen that way and you become "okay" with the outcome. Without realizing it -- or let's say knowing it on a very small level but not wanting to face it, the responsibility is given up. This was the biggest problem which I had to face. Down deep inside, I knew that I was giving up the responsibility. But it didn't matter as long as I was doing the "will of God".
This has all changed. I am responsible for my outcome. Yes, even though I was given, taught, fed - whatever term you'd like to insert - a lot of bad information, I now realize that I am responsible and need to work this through. Ironically, the freedom I have gained through finding and working on these issues is like a "religious" experience. I can say that with a HUGE smile on my face.

The lights get brighter

Have you ever attended an outdoor sporting event at night when suddenly the lights went off? Someone races to turn them back on but because of their technology, it takes them a while to get bright. At first, the lights are very dim and you can see them gradually get brighter. At one point, the lights are bright enough so vision is clear but the lights aren't fully illuminating. Then after a few minutes it dawns on you that the lights are totally on and the playing field is bright.
That is a very good description of how the awareness of my "shame filter" was revealed. The interesting thing is that I had been talking about shame and the problem of self-worth for at least 3 or 4 months. However during my last session in February, the lights finally turned on. I could see how this shame-based thinking (what I like to call the shame filter) affected EVERYTHING I perceived. I felt so liberated and realized that I needed to continue to see how it showed up in my life. That was on a Friday night and by Sunday,  the lights got brighter and then by Tuesday, I realized they were shinning as bright as ever.
Not only was I seeing how it showed up in my life, but also was observing it in other people. Seeing it that way, without any type of judgement or prejudice helped me see it better in my life.
The interesting thing was that during my session, after the big revelation came, I said to my therapist. I just want to get past it. What do I need to do. And he told me the first step to healing is awareness. After I became so fully aware - and believe me, everything I did I saw the shame filter working - it was only a matter of days before my actions began to change. And thankfully, I saw the shame filter in other areas of my life as well.
That is really the amazing thing. When your awareness of your own actions causes you to make better and stronger decisions. That is real change. Something that I have rarely had occur throughout my entire life.

Freedom

Throughout this past week and a half, I have felt tremendous personal growth. It all started from my last session when I finally realized what was holding me back. If you have ever been at a stadium when the lights get turned on, first they start out very dim and get brighter and brighter. Soon you realize, after the fact that the lights are full strength and it is quite bright. This is how I felt last Friday. When the lights came on – or when I realized about this “shame filter”, I could more easily see. Only after a couple days, the lights were even brighter and I didn’t even notice it until after the fact.

I was wondering what I was going to do to “change” or correct this “shame filter”. In fact, after listening to my tape, I was the one that suggested I see how it shows up in my life and how it affected me. By Monday, my behavior was already being modified. Just the fact that when you get angry about how your poor judgment affected what went on in your life, this anger lets you know that if you act the same way, you certainly know what is down the road ahead for you.

The interesting thing is that I have been watching the shame filter show up in other folks. Now, not being a professional, I don’t say anything unless it comes up in conversation but seeing how it shows up in them only confirms to myself that I don’t want to be or act that way.

I have decided to greatly reduce my self-deprecating humor. I find that nearly every time someone goes to compliment me, my mind quickly races to find some witty and self-degrading reply.  I found myself yesterday and today, starting to go that direction and then stopping myself. Today, I was on the phone with a contractor back East. I did use the self-deprecating humor however, it was kind of fitting for the phone call and the humor broke up the situation which is what I like in a call. But what I am glad about it was I saw that I was doing it and was okay with it for that particular instance.

I have felt that my confidence has had a huge jump since this last session as well. I find myself carrying my shoulders back more often and am actually beginning to see myself handsome in the mirror where I never did that much before.

I also have decided that I am not looking for a relationship and am dating for casual purposes only. I saw on Saturday how I was still having shame based thinking with just about all my relationships with women I have met. It’s time to change that. Yes, I will continue to be a gentleman but it’s time for some raw passion. Time for me to share myself, express myself and be great with myself for experiencing and giving these experiences. I am a fun person and need to break out of my shell.

I also feel like this new found freedom is just the beginning to open the flood gates in my business. Again, I feel free. On Sunday I shared my experience with someone and actually could see myself, “empowering her to do more than what she thought she believed she could do”. This was my first real experience of what it would be like to be that person and also do it as a profession. I didn’t get paid but I could see how that would definitely be worth a lot of money.

For the last 3 sessions, the flood gates seem to be opening wider and wider. I can’t wait to see what happens this week.

How Can You Be, Two

Having the opportunity to "discover" who you really are is something that most people never take the time to realize.. It seems such a shame to say that, but if you think about it, most of us are caught up in the day to day routine, simply trying to survive. Even people who have made it financially, so to speak. They can focus on making more money to have the income stream to afford the lifestyle they have; never really taking the time to focus on what their inner soul was intended.
Whether or not their is a supreme source that planned our intention, discovering and contemplating that purpose isn't something that naturally occurs within us in our everyday lives. If we skip back 5 or 6 generations, we might consider that our fore-parents survival was based more on tomorrow's meal rather than career. The farther we go back and try to imagine what our fore-parents lives were like, the simpler it gets - at least in one way. Life gets less complicated but survival becomes more difficult. As human history moves forward, life seems to become more complicated yet less worrisome about survival. Has this evolution caused us, by nature, to be less in tune with ourselves?
Isn't it ironic? Life, as we move forward, becomes more and more convenient yet when we get caught up in it, so to speak, we spend less time being intimate with who we are. It is simple. If someone asks you who or what you are, many tend to define themselves by what they do. I am not a salesman. I, John Dunia, am someone who can empower others to do more that what they thought they could believe. Fortunately, I have known this for a long time and now I have the ability to explore that person, grow that person and the end goal is to continue to be more that person. If that person becomes my job on which I can earn an abundant living, one cannot ask for a better profession. That, of course, is an honor which I should embrace and be thankful for.

How can you be?

Everyone is always saying, "just be who you are". Or I am who I am and don't try to change me. Have you ever really sat down and wondered who you are? Someone with more meditative experience than I should answer this upcoming question but can you meditate on who you are? 

A couple of weeks ago, I went to the mountain and the main reason was to contemplate the shame that had continued for most of my 54 years. Some - and very little of that time - was spent thinking on who I am. In fact, I truly believe that the "blame filter" just about every time, doesn't want me to see who I am. It will loose all of the power.

Today though was a very unique experience for me. I spent about an hour with a designer/client of mine and much of our conversation was on a personal level - on both of our behalves. It's easy to see now when people have some very small level of shame filter (it really is more of a self-confidence filter but the shame filter is its foundation) and we were discussing it about both of ourselves. Talking about my situation to just about anyone, is always revealing things to me. They are coming so fast there is no way for me to track it all. I just "take it all in". 

The object is to be okay with yourself, in many ways. Don't let the negative times have more power by allowing them to pull you down even further. Embrace yourself and move on. All of us can be happy with ourselves when things are going right but when things are tough and we may be spending too much time doing the wrong thing, just accept it and move on. Discover ways of how you can hinder yourself from doing or spending time on the wrong thing. It's a little more complicated than that and I'll try and cover the rest of it tomorrow.